Transformers: Dark of the Moon (3-D)
Up until I saw Jurassic Park in 1993, my favorite movie of all time was The Transformers: The Movie. Sound crazy? I was nine at the time. Still doesn't excuse me. Well, screw off. This was THE movie to me at that time. I just loved it. I dug the soundtrack. I loved the animation (as much I could at the time, since I knew jack about film-making). The voices were memorable, and even though they seem stunt-oriented (I mean, really, Judd Nelson?), it all worked. The voices fit each and every new character introduced.
And, why were so many characters introduced? Most would have you believe that it was all motivated by the drive to sell toys and make money. Hey, that's certainly a big part, but from a story stand-point (you heard me), it makes sense. Because it sells DREAD. What do I mean? Well, a lot of characters - well-known characters from the TV series - die within the film's first Twenty minutes, including Optimus Prime, leader and main Transformer character. (I'd argue that Daniel is the main character even though he's human.)
The movie was badass in my opinion. And, so was everything else Transformers-related. Generation One (in geek-speak) is my generation. So, when I heard they (the collective "they") were making a live-action film, I got excited. Because, really, what could they possibly do? Could it be done? It beat the hell out of me, but I was interested. Then, Spielberg's name came up. Then, Michael Bay.
Let's get into that: Michael Bay.
I'm a fan. I've dug everything he's done. In order from best to okay:
The Rock
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Armageddon
The Island
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Bad Boys
Transformers
Bad Boys II
Pearl Harbor
I don't consider anything of these movies to be bad. Bad Boys II is okay, mainly because I feel too many people get killed in the flick and not much is done about it. No one seems to give a shit. In Armageddon, there is a sense of doom - of holy shit. Of knowing that shit's going down. Every death, in my own view, is completely felt.
Bay's movies are not meant to be cynical. They're also not particularly heartfelt, even when they try to be (looking at you Pearl Harbor). What they are though are amazing set pieces stitched together by decent plots and decent performances. The technical stuff is always amazing. The photography is unmatched in huge-scale action films. The music is pulse-pounding. The sound is ear-splittingly good. All in all, I love what Bay films are.
And, that's all movies should be. Scratch that. Movies shouldn't be anything.
They should be what they are. Nothing more. Nothing less. That doesn't mean they are films unto themselves. It's just that, just because one film can do both character and plot doesn't mean that the next film has to. If it accomplishes what it sets out to do, then it's all right by me. Bay's movies mostly accomplish this. Aside from Pearl Harbor, which loses even its fan with the whole triangle thing (this includes me), I feel each movie Bay has directed has been the sum total of what he set out to do.
Which is why I gave credit to him on the first Transformers film. It's not good throughout. A lot of the human stuff is bland and takes the film in weird, unnecessary directions. But, the action stuff. My God, the action and the effects (CGI, sound, music, etc.) in the first film were a wonder. I got my money's worth. Plus, it put Meghan Fox on the big screen like never before. (I'd seen her before on TV and Maxim/Stuff magazine, so I knew her.)
So, when the sequel came, I went to see it opening weekend.
And, I loved the ever-loving-shit out of it. Why? Because it's fucking nuts. It's Bad Boys II-Michael Bay, playing with giant robots. The plot is straightforward but the momentum isn't. One thing leads to another, but a lot of it adds up to nothing. Don't get me wrong, I still loved the set pieces, but the twins stuck out (never got the racist-angle; guess I don't see the world that way - plus, they're fucking robots, people). Meghan Fox getting humped by a transformer was weird and off-putting. Bottom line: Revenge of the Fallen was a mess that I loved and still love.
Now here we are with part three. The "final" film. Or, rather, the final Sam Witwicky film. I saw it in 3-D, and it was a wonder to behold. Roger Ebert wrote that is "a visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies." This was not the same movie I saw.
Dark of the Moon is the best 3-D movie I have ever seen. That may not be saying much, but it is. It's gorgeous to look at. Yes, yes - Rose Huntington-Whiteley looks great, but the framing and the longer takes make this one a keeper.
The plot is simple. Autobots are the good guys and fight to save Earth, their new home. Decepticons are bad and fight to rule humans so that they may rebuild their former home planet of Cybertron, and some humans help to achieve this. And, that's it. The rest is icing. It's all cool, but it's not plot. A lot of people try to tie in everything having to do with NASA and the moon, but those are details within the story.
As for Sam, well, his story is even more simple: save the girl. And, this is where I totally get where people, and definitely mostly women, would have a problem. As much as Huntington-Whiteley's character Carly "fights" back, she never really FIGHTS BACK. She essentially is a damsel in distress during the film's climatic final hour in Chicago. Shame. Seeing her pick up a gun or do some hand-to-hand fighting would have been great. But, no, we get a butt-shot as her intro. Not that I'm complaining, but come on, Mr. Bay. Even Fox had shit to do on the previous flicks.
SPOILER
Of course, she does do something to help save the day. She uses words to help turn the tide, but I felt this scene was just a way to get something done that could have been done any other way. I mean, how many times will people fall for the whole, "Oh, so you take his orders"-thing? If there was one thing I hated about the movie, this was it.
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The dialogue isn't bad. It's not. Watch any SyFy original movie and then say that this movie had inane dialogue. There's a big difference. This movie was obviously not scripted by Aaron Sorkin, but it sure as shit wasn't written by Awesom-O.
I also didn't find it unpleasant one bit. Even seeing it in 3-D, wearing glasses over my glasses, I wasn't bothered. My eyes didn't hurt at all. The sound was top-notch.
I dug it.
I even found myself caring about Sam and Carly - probably because it felt like a real relationship. Think about it. In the first one, they meet, court, and fall for one another. The second separates them and they have to find their way back to each other (emotionally). The third one opens with them in a relatively happy relationship. So, when Sam has to go get her, I was with him. Especially because of the circumstances.
SPOILER
Fucking Patrick Dempsey. I knew he wanted to destroy the world.
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People do not have to agree on movies. Obviously. So, disagree all you want. I did with Ebert, and I love that guy. So, don't get all bitchy with my rating. It's mine. Deal with it.
4 1/2 out of 5
Fucking-A.
